Grieving the Losses We Carry

Grief is not only about the death of someone we love. We also grieve the quieter, less visible losses that accumulate over a lifetime—changes in our health, our memory, our emotional resilience, our independence, our employment, our roles, and the dreams or routines we once held dear. These losses can unsettle us just as deeply, yet we often struggle to name them or give ourselves permission to grieve and mourn them.

Elisabeth Kübler‑Ross, M.D. described the following five stages of grief—not as a straight line, but as experiences we move in and out of. David Kessler later added a sixth stage. Together, they offer a compassionate way to understand what our hearts go through.¹

Denial can appear as “I’m fine” or “This can’t be happening.” It protects us until we’re ready to face the truth.

Anger may rise when life feels unfair or when our bodies or abilities no longer cooperate. Anger is not a failure of faith—it’s a sign that something precious has been touched or affected.

Bargaining often sounds like “If only…” or “Maybe things will go back to how they were.” It reflects our longing for stability and control.

Depression can come when the reality of loss settles in. It is not weakness; it is the heart acknowledging what has changed.

Acceptance is not approval of the loss—it is the gentle recognition that life has shifted, and we must learn to live within this new landscape.

Kessler’s sixth stage, finding meaning, invites us to look for the grace that can emerge even from sorrow. Meaning does not erase the loss, but it helps us carry it with greater peace. It may show up in deeper compassion, renewed priorities, or a clearer sense of what truly matters.

Grieving our physical, cognitive, emotional, spiritual, or relational losses—and the ways of life that may no longer exist, or that we are called to let go of or to move through—is an act of honesty and courage. Our response to grieving—the thoughts, emotions, and feelings it invokes, how we deal with them, and the time it takes—is personal and unique for each us. However, we are not alone in our grieving. God meets us and is present with us in every stage, not asking us to rush or pretend, but simply to bring our whole selves to God. In God's presence, grief becomes not just something to endure, but something through which we can grow.

You are invited to reflect about what loss—big or small—are you carrying right now that you may need to acknowledge more honestly before God? Where might God be inviting you to discover meaning, hope, or compassion within your experience of grief?

Loving God,
You see every loss I carry,
even the ones I struggle to name.
Hold me gently in each stage of grief,
and give me the courage to bring my sorrow
into your healing presence.
Teach me to trust that you walk with me,
guiding me toward peace and deeper meaning.
May my wounds become places where your grace can shine.
Amen.

1 See Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D. On Death and Dying: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss; Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D. and David Kessler, On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss; and David Kessler, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.

This reflection was prepared with the assistance of CoPilot.